At first I thought getting a job would be awesome because I would have an income. And that is awesome. Except for the fact that if I weren’t depending on multiple people to help me out, that income would be 80-100%* instantly used for bills and insurance (*my own estimate). I know that living is expensive. But I never realized how expensive it was. Health insurance. Car insurance. Rent. Internet. Phone. I’m sure I’m missing something.
Sometimes I feel so completely lost and I think that I will never be able to live on my own because I’ll never make enough money. And that makes me sad and upset. I don’t want to have to rely on people for the rest of my life.
Why does the world have to revolve around money? It could work without money. If people were less greedy and were okay with sharing and working together I bet we could figure out a system where everyone got what they needed. It sounds so hippy and out there, and well, it is, but I still like the idea.
I am also upset by the fact that I love money. I want to hoard it and keep as much of it as I can. I want to be rich so that I’ll never have to worry about money. But part of me thinks that if I ever did become rich I would still worry about money. I hate that at times I am addicted to the idea of accruing money. I want to be free of it but society won’t let me. I won’t let me.
I despise you money at the same time I love you. It’s a perverse relationship and I hope that one day I will be able to overcome my own greed.