Just Lauren

Today was definitely a happier day than yesterday. I slept a little better and I exercised, both of which help boost the mood. But, I also got to see three of my favorite people: Kaitlin, EG, and Ollie! How can that face below NOT make me happy?

The past two times I’ve gone over I’ve really enjoyed Ollie, I don’t know if we’re getting to know each other better or he’s just growing up, but he seems less wild and loud to me. Also, I swear that today he made the “mwwaa” sound of blowing me a kiss and then said “bye bye”. Kaitlin was there and can attest. Ollie is getting smarter and smarter every time I come around and I look forward to seeing him.

EG was just as fun today too. She ran around the yard, told me she loved me, and gave me two really great hugs that made me feel so absolutely loved I almost started crying but I held on because I wanted to be wrapped up in that moment of pure love as long as I could. I didn’t want to contaminate it with my tears! I love that little person so much. She astounds me every time I go over. her vocabulary and grammar skills improve by the day. She’s brilliant and while I don’t want to rush her growing up, I am excited to get to the know the future, older her.

It was also really great to be able to spend some time with Kaitlin. I’ve gotten a lot closer with her since separating from Gene and I am so happy. I love getting to hear about Kaitlin’s dreams for her future and the things she’d like to do. She has fantastic ideas. She showed me some of the home school stuff she’s getting together to teach EG and Ollie before they head off to preschool and it’s adorable and organized and totally Kaitlin’s style.

I also was surprised by two other things today! First, Ben randomly emailed me two homemade bread recipes, which made my day. Ben and Martha are great chefs and bakers so I know the recipes they give me will be top notch. It was also good timing because I was going to make homemade bread yesterday but discovered I didn’t have the right bowls like I thought I did. So I’ll have to go to the store and buy some stuff, which means I can get ingredients for Ben’s recipes too. It was such a kind, thoughtful gesture, it warmed my heart.

And second, I got a package from Fiona! A virtual hug from across the ocean, I was not expecting it either and it also made my day. I now have some delicious smelling soap, a mindfulness book, and a really cool set of postcards that I can color. I’ll take a picture tomorrow and post it on here.

This situation has messed with my life and my brain, and it’s going to for months, maybe even years. But it’s moments like these, where my friends and family randomly message me and send me their love, that I know I’ll make it through. I know there are people who love and support me and who will continue to do so long after others would. And because of them and because of the work I put into healing, I will heal and I will thrive. I love my friends and family dearly, I really couldn’t do this without you all. Truly.