Yesterday evening Kaitlin came over and spent the night! I am so grateful for her and Kevin. We ate dinner and then she taught me how to decorate sugar cookies. I had tried a few years ago but had trouble because 1. I didn’t know what I was doing and 2. the icing we made was way too thick and was a real pain to work with. Thankfully, Kaitlin does know what she’s doing as she’s been researching and testing so while I definitely could use more practice, my cookies turned out much more professional looking this time around. I am thrilled. You can tell in the picture to the left, I was so proud of the border I made. Step #1 complete!
I also learned how to flood the cookie with a bunch of icing. And while we didn’t wait the 24 hours to decorate the cookie once it was flooded, they still turned out decent. Kaitlin is great at writing things on cookies, she has this whole font thing going on. I tried to copy her but my “love” turned into more of a “lave” in my opinion. So then I switched over to “joy” cause I figured that might be a bit easier to write. Still has an “o” in it though.
Kaitlin didn’t want to eat any of the cookies so now I have seven iced cookies to eat. I think I’m gonna need some help! Once she feels comfortable with her cookie and icing recipes, I’m inviting Kaitlin and my friends over for a cookie decorating party and class. Wouldn’t that be so much fun?
Other than decorating cookies we visited for a while which was just lovely and then we randomly saw a fireworks show happening somewhere in Denver. It was the oddest, and magical, thing, I had just gone to look out the window for some reason (I like doing it) and I saw a firework. So I called Kaitlin over and we stood outside for 5 minutes and watched the end of a show. I have no clue what they were for, googling didn’t help me, so I’d like to think it was a special thing for just me and Kaitlin.
This morning we had breakfast and then went to Tuesday Morning to look around, mostly so Kaitlin could find more cool baking stuff, but I also don’t think I had been to that store in a long time so I was curious to check it out. Kaitlin got a few more items of baking gear so I look forward to seeing her progress in the future.
Afterward I headed over to The Rock Wood Fired Pizza restaurant in Bel Mar where I met up with Brenda for lunch and a movie. I got a delicious pizza, and yes, it did have ricotta cheese. It’s now my goal to eat all the pizzas in Denver that have ricotta on them because of how much I love the ricotta pizza at Pizzeria Colore downtown. This one was almost as good, I have to say, I was extremely pleased and would go again. They also have a really great lunch deal. Anyway, it was good to spend time with Brenda and I loved the movie we watched, Peanut Butter Falcon. It was cute and funny and a bit sad and inspiring. And, Shia LaBeouf is in it. If you have the time to go see it, I would recommend it.
It was good to get to spend time with Kaitlin and Brenda today as I felt sad for most of the rest of the day. It was a rough day, one of the roughest ones I’ve had, to be honest. But seeing those two and talking to my parents and my friends via text and phone helped me get through it. I want to express on here when I feel sad or had a bad day not because I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but because I want people to know that I’m not always okay. That getting a divorce when I didn’t want one is not easy and I’m not over it and I cry every day, many days multiple times a day. I feel sad and alone and confused and worthless and devastated. Not always all at once and not always every day, but one of those feelings every day. This is real. I enjoy parts of my life and I cry for other parts of my life. I work hard to work through and with those emotions, give them the validity they deserve while still trying to live my life and get to a place where I’m more mentally healthy. I don’t want to hide this part of my life, because it’s a major part of my life right now. And I want others to know that they’re not alone, I know I’m not the only one going through something like this. Life has been so extremely hard for the past year and I know it’s going to continue to be hard but I hope when I can hope that it will get better.
So thank you to all my friends and family who continue to reach out, I need it. I need your love and I appreciate your love very much. ❤
Just Lauren 
Oh my sweet Lauren… this is going to be a long journey. Thank you for being real, for sharing it with us and not shutting us out. I know your heart has been shattered and that sadness and sorrow loom over you. You are doing the work that needs to be done and allowing yourself to “feel” all the emotions that sweep over you – this is what is required for healing – doesn’t make it easy, but if ever I was proud of you, it is now. You are showing the world what you are made of – integrity, strength, perseverance, courage. Do not give in to those feelings of worthlessness – you are worthy of so much more than you may think right now. You are worthy of love, faithfulness, joy, compassion, protection, and devotion. You are not the one at fault!!! Do not let the betrayal of others destroy you. Keep persevering dear one – better days are coming – I promise. Rest in the love and care of those who love you. We believe in you! YOU ARE LOVED! quote for the day: You are deserving of the most pure, whole and authentic love. I hope you know that.
Lauren, you are so not worthless. You are worth more than you may ever know. And yes, you are loved and cared for by so many people. Count on the love and caring from all these people, from me. I love YOU!