Just Lauren

We have a couch now! It got delivered yesterday and I love it. It’s a brilliant teal, fits three people, and is comfortable. I finally feel like Elisabeth and I can start inviting people over to hang out. Who wants to come over?! But more than that, it means that our apartment is really a home now. It’s quite comforting being able to sit on a couch and watch TV, gonna be honest.

Now, to get a job so I can buy loads more plants. I should be starting a temp job on Monday but it’ll last only a month or so and has no opportunity to become a permanent position. No matter, it’s still good for my resume and will get me a bit more money than unemployment. I’m reassessing what I want to do next so today I applied for a job at a house plant store because why not? Hopefully they’ll reach out to me in a couple of days. The two places I interviewed at last week both said they hired other people so that was a slight bummer but I did have another phone interview today, I’ll hear back about that one by Monday. I try to not let job hunting get me down but gosh it can be exhausting and overwhelming sometimes. Deep breaths.

Yesterday, Gene and I met with a legal mediator to figure out divorce details. It was tough, on both of us, but in the end I think we both did really well. I’m proud of Gene because I know this was hard on him and not something he wanted to do (although, to be fair, this isn’t something I ever wanted either but no one plans to get divorced, right?). I’m also really proud of myself. However, with that said, seeing him was not easy and it’s brought back more acute feelings of sadness. I would say I’ve gone back a few steps in my emotions. I wasn’t expecting that because I went in feeling really good and in control so feeling this sadness hit me kind of hard today. I know I’ll get through it, which makes it a very tiny bit easier to handle. Unbeknownst to them, my parents had really great timing as I received an inspiration book they made me in the mail today.

I also went on a walk which boosted my mood for a bit and I am now watching some Great British Bake Off because that’s always a feel good show (for me at least). And I did a lot of journal writing. Writing down how I’m feeling is another way to take a step back from my emotions and give myself a bit of breathing room. I highly recommend it in addition to breathing deeply (focus on the exhale) and stating to yourself how you feel. I’d be in a much sorrier state if it weren’t for those skills – thanks to my therapist for helping me learn those.

So here I am, a bundle of feelings, dry eyes, and a hungry stomach awaiting my frozen, soon to be cooked, pizza. Life is still complicated and sad and scary and overwhelming but it’s also beautiful and peaceful and full of love.