Just Lauren

Now that I have a temp job, a routine, and time has passed for me to heal some more, I’m starting to get into the swing of life again which means filling my calendar with all the things! I think perhaps this week I filled it a bit too much as I had and have stuff on my calendar every day this week so I’m a tiny bit tired but I figure it’s good for me since I’m still on steroids and they keep me awake. So tiring myself out isn’t a bad thing.

On Tuesday I had dinner at Tocabe with an old coworker that I hadn’t seen since May. It was great to catch up with her and to hear how she’s doing. I told her about my life and the recent happenings and she was so kind and loving. She said some really sweet words to me as we parted about how on the outside, I look small and dainty, but I surprise her all the time with how tough and confident and strong I am. That I have resilience. I was not expecting those words at all and they took me aback and made me feel very loved and very strong. And, after thinking on it a moment, I have to agree with her. On first appearance I do tend to come across as quiet and nice, maybe a bit meek. But I am strong and smart. I’m starting to think I need a label for myself like “tough badass cookie”, but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue so I think I need to keep working it. So if you have any ideas, send them my way. I want to be able to, in my lower moments, say, “Hey, remember, you’re one tough badass cookie? You got this!”

Yesterday I video chatted with Katie, spoke to my parents, and spoke to Kaitlin. That’s a lot for me all in one evening but it was 100% worth it. These people have stepped up in my life and I love talking with them. I get energized and feel loved when I do so, talking with them helps me relax.

Today, Lydia had lunch with me as she’s in town for a few days. I cried a little, and will probably cry more when I see her again tomorrow, but it’s not a bad thing and I am so excited and happy to see her that my tears can come and it won’t stop me. She brought me a delicious Greek wrap and a sweet apple and I shared some of my soup with her and we visited a bit in the warm air. I feel so grateful for her and for her coming and seeing me today.

After work I met up with my another old coworker, Brenda, because I wanted to say “see you later” as she moves 4 hours away from me. While I feel sad that she will be so far, I know that we will keep in touch via email and text and that I can hop the train and go visit her sometime. We met up at the Botanic Gardens because it is one of my favorite places in the city and Brenda loves it too. I’m pretty sure next week the gardens’ hours are cut back so we really went at the perfect time. It was pleasant as we sat outside under a tree and stared at the lily pond and vegetable gardens as the sun slowly set. Holy moly it was beautiful and peaceful and exactly what the both of us needed. We wandered around a bit after dinner and I snapped some pictures of the flowers in the evening’s light. I think I may have found my favorite time to come – an evening in September. It’s still warm and light but there’s barely anyone there. There’s plenty of flowers still blooming and a real magical feel to the evening.

So my week has been busy but it’s been packed full of people who love me and whom I love, I really can’t ask for more. This weekend I’ll get to see Lydia again and I’ll finally go visit Kaitlin, Kevin, and the kids! I haven’t seen them in a few weeks so it’s high time I get to see their faces again. I really lead such a privileged, high quality life, even when I feel sad or hurt. I feel so lucky and honored.