Thoughts 1-31-20

I just finished watching the last episode ever of The Good Place, a tv show very dear to my heart. I’ve told many people how great a show it is so if you haven’t heard of it yet, let me tell you now, it’s a great show. It’s a show about philosophy and life and it speaks to me in a very different way than any other show has ever spoken to me. It has helped me be a better person, and how many tv shows can say they do that. I feel sad that it is over.

I realized that I started this show with Gene. We were on one of my favorite vacations, our trip to Madison, Wisconsin, and we were chilling in our airbnb one evening. Gene mentioned this show he had heard of about this girl who dies and experiences the after life and it sounded interesting, so we gave it a try. We started The Good Place and by the time our trip ended, I think we had finished the first season. That time is quite a pleasant memory for me. I feel happy that I can think about it that way.

It’s interesting that I started the show with Gene because I feel like I basically finished it with him too, a sense. Tomorrow, I meet with Gene to sign over the house. Our separation will be complete. There will be no more need to communicate with him or to see him. Part of me mourns and fears that knowledge. I loved him and I loved the majority of our time together. That time of my life will, in a sense, be over. Part of me is really ready for it to be over. There has been so much pain and hurt. I want to face this final stab so that I may truly heal and move forward. I feel scared. This is the real unknown. Up until now there was a plan laid out for me – figure out how to get divorced, fill out the paperwork, wait for the judge, schedule a time to meet with Gene. Now what? What will happen after 12pm tomorrow?

You know what will happen? Life will continue. I will meet up with my friends. I will eat good food. I will play games, go on walks, watch movies, laugh, and love. I will live my life and I will live it to the best of my ability. I will enjoy myself and those around me. I will celebrate who I am and I will thrive. I don’t know the details, it’s true. But I know the outcome. I will have a life that I love and I will love myself. And most likely, at some point, I’ll rewatch The Good Place. 😉

2 thoughts on “Thoughts 1-31-20

  1. Oh Lauren, what a beautiful posting. Yes, life will go on and you will be in “a good place”. Thank you for sharing your heart through such articulate words. You are my sweet warrior and I will forever be by your side.

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