4-29-20 Day 47

Today has been kind of rough emotionally. A couple of my friends were struggling last night and while I’m glad they shared their feelings with me (I do not want them to feel alone), their sharing made me feel sad and it trickled into today and that combined with this whole situation, left me feeling down. Even if I’m mostly positive, and I usually am, stress and anxiety still make their way into my being. Sometimes it’s hard to fight it and today was one of those days. On the upside, it’s not the worst I’ve felt by any means so I’m thankful there. I’m trying not to fight these feelings either. Better to acknowledge that I feel sad than to try to push it away. I miss my family. A lot. I don’t like not knowing when I’m going to see them again. I don’t like not having a vacation to look forward to and not being able to plan a vacation. I don’t like not knowing when this is going to be “over”, or if it will ever be fully over. Life sucks.

At the same time, life doesn’t suck. I’m sitting outside watching the sun slowly drop behind the mountains. Pippin is out here with me, watching the little kids in the building across from us play on their balcony. I’m barefoot and I’m wearing my cool cat baseball hat. I’m going to video chat with my family in a matter of minutes. And while my friends shared their sufferings last night in our hangout, we also shared laughs and happiness and positivity and it was a really great time.

I chatted with my manager today and after we talked about work, we talked about our lives for a few minutes and that lifted my spirits. And I chatted with Lydia over text today and she shared pictures of her life and that made me feel even better (and reminded me I need to put up my hummingbird feeder!). I am surrounded by love, awesome people, and a really amazing world.

It’s important that I acknowledge when I feel down, and it’s important for me to explore why and talk about it more than just on the surface level. But it’s also important for me to recognize the wonders of my life after I sit in my sadness. Both sadness and wonder are me and are my life. I’m going to be okay. I know it. That in itself is pretty powerful. I hope you all know that you’re going to be okay too. We’re going to get through this. ❤

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