I am now wisdom tooth-less! This morning, Elisabeth drove me to my dentist and sat in her car for an hour while I went under for the first time in my life, had my gums cut open and a tooth pulled out. I felt nervous. I’ve felt nervous off and on for the past two weeks leading up to today. I felt scared about getting an IV because I wasn’t allowed to drink 8 hours prior and I thought, “my veins are going to be withered and it’s going to be painful”. I felt scared about being in pain afterward and about the recovery. People comforted me with their own wisdom tooth and dental surgery stories. They encouraged me and reminded me that I can do it and that they love me. I reminded myself that if I can handle all that I’ve handled the past year and a half, I can do this.

I went in knowing Kaitlin was with me in spirit. Her love surrounding me was important and needed. She’s gone through multiple situations where she’s had to be put under and gone through hard and scary things, and if she can do all that then I can do this. I wore my Marvel superhero shirt to tell myself that I was a superhero too and could do this. And I knew Elisabeth was right there ready to take care of me when I got done.

The experience is weird and so incredibly fascinating to me. First, major props to the woman who inserted my IV, it was the least painful prick I have ever had in my life. I was so impressed, that I told Elisabeth about it multiple times. Actually, I told her a lot of things multiple times, it’s a side effect of going under it turns out. One of the technicians told me that would happen when I was asking about the procedure and I said, “Welp, I apologize now in advance,” and he laughed but I highly doubt he informed Elisabeth of that exchange so she got to enjoy me saying the same five or so things over and over:

  • “Was I in a wheelchair?!”
  • “Wow.”
  • “This is so trippy.”
  • “Science is amazing.”
  • “Is this what high people feel like?!”
  • And me just laughing.

I vaguely remember saying those things and I vaguely remember getting into her car from the wheelchair but wow is that memory so extremely blurry. I supposedly told Elisabeth and the technician that “I can’t walk” so they helped me into the car. For a while there I just felt so heavy! I thought I was capable of putting on my own seat belt though but turns out that was incorrect, Elisabeth had to do it for me. No recollection of her doing that. I remember telling her that I knew my brain wasn’t quite right. My brain was really trying to think clearly, and I feel like I could for like a second or two, and then it would revert back to being loopy. I supposedly told Elisabeth about my brain’s status a few times too. Thankfully she thought I was hilarious and cute so that makes me feel not at all embarrassed.

Time is also really wonky when waking up from these drugs. What was us sitting in the car for 30 minutes while waiting for my prescriptions (thanks Elisabeth for handling all that!) felt like 5 minutes, if not less, to me. And then the drive back home to the apartment felt just as fast. I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it up to the apartment, moving and keeping my eyes open was really hard, but Elisabeth let me lean on her the whole way and we made it! I had a couple bites of applesauce, took some pills, and went to sleep for two hours.

I’ve been groggy, tired, and not quite myself the whole day but I’m doing much better than I was that first hour. I got to video chat with Kaitlin around lunchtime, I wanted to see her face and hear her voice to help me feel a bit more grounded and let her know I was doing okay. Getting knocked out was incredibly easy, if I had known that, I don’t think I would have been as nervous. But you know I gotta experience it for myself first before the fear goes away. I remember the surgeon talking to me about what could go wrong, and how most likely it wouldn’t go wrong because my tooth was really well positioned, then he said “okay, I’m going to put a bit of medicine in you now,” he injected my IV with something and it felt like maybe 10 seconds later my head was falling back and I was out. Holy crap. Was it that fast? I have no clue. But it felt that way. I felt nothing. I did not wake up in the middle of it, as far as I’m aware, and the next thing I remember is the technician asking me how I’m feeling. I think I just grunted and then fell back asleep. It was so weird and so fascinating! Science really is amazing.

So now I am home and recovering. Eating some delicious butternut squash soup Elisabeth made for us and dreaming of the day when I can eat more solid food, I’m hoping tomorrow evening but we’ll see.

I made it! I did it thanks to the words of my loved ones and the skilled dental team. I fucking did it!

One thought on “5-27-20

  1. YES! Mother of pearl, you did it! So proud of you… and so glad it’s over. Every difficult thing you get through empowers you even more. You ARE a super hero.

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