8-11-22 Still Alive

I’m still alive, ya’ll. Maybe a bit burnt out in life right now, but still kicking it in beautiful Colorado as best I can. Kaitlin and her family moved to Texas over a week ago. I’m feeling much better about not having my sister living in the same state as me (thanks, therapy) but I’m still trying to find my balance in life again. To feel secure and grounded. I don’t know what’s the cause but I feel a little lost sometimes. My therapist reminded me in our last session that I am the source of my feelings of security. That the actions, choices, and decisions I make create my security. Yes, my loved ones, my friends and family, help support that security, but at the end of the day it comes down to me. And I do a great job of building that security. It was an encouraging thought and it’s always a confidence boost when you’re therapist tells you you’re doing a good job and she can see your growth.

I’m not sure how active I’ll be on here. I have no plans to do What I like Wednesday Posts nor Food Fridays (except the few recipes I scheduled months ago, they’ll pop up randomly). I’ve actually thought about pausing this blog for longer than a month but I just paid my annual WordPress account and I think that maybe writing more often will aid me in feeling more consistently grounded and in the world again. Writing has always been my companion so I’ll see how this goes. I thought, “What’s the point of writing on this blog? I write about my life and only a handful of people read it and my posts aren’t that interesting.” But you know what, that’s silly talk right there. The point is that I enjoy doing it, or that it’s a challenge for me, or that it’s a way to document my life, or that it’s a way for me to process my life or remember and celebrate my life. I mean, fuck the notion that I have to do something to make a profit or be productive or valuable to society. This is valuable to me and that’s all that matters. Imma do what I want. So there. 😛

During my break from blogging I got up to a few fun things that filled my bucket. I had my new friends, Andy and Jarred, come over for dinner, joined by my forever friend (and basically sister), Elisabeth. I enjoyed that evening so much. It would have been perfect if Shari had been able to join but she got sick that week so had to stay home. And earlier this week, Shari and I met up with three of our comic book meetup friends so we could discuss the new Sandman Netflix tv show. That evening was so incredibly wonderful for me both because I adore the show and loved gushing about it and because the company was absolutely fantastic. I don’t think I could have asked for better people to show up to the chat. My whole body felt so incredibly relaxed and invigorated at the same time, I will always be grateful to my comic book meetup friends.

Last Friday, Shari, Elisabeth, and I went to Denver’s First Friday Art Walk where we ate some truly delicious Thai food and created painted masterpieces thanks to Denver Public Library’s free painting supplies (PLEASE check out your public libraries and all that they offer, they’re truly an incredible and valuable resource). That weekend, Shari and I stayed the night at a hotel as part of Shari’s work’s company-wide party. I got to hang out with my friends, Jason and Amanda, there and enjoy myself. I even danced!

I saw my cousin, Sarah, and her family, earlier in July, which was so much fun and made me think I’d maybe drive the 8 hours to her house sometime to hang out. I relaxed at my meetup’s annual Lake Day. I went to Frontier Day’s in Cheyenne, Wyoming where I attended my first rodeo and saw a melodrama. And I finished my pottery class (still waiting on my items to be fired one more time!).

Some days I feel more aware and alive than other days. It’s a journey. I’m still not consistently exercising like I was back in 2020 and that makes me feel annoyed, frustrated, and embarrassed. I can’t seem to regularly wake up at a consistent time anymore either which makes me feel all the same feelings previously listed. Guess these are great opportunities to show myself some love and grace. I’m getting older, maybe my schedule needs some adjustment.

This blog seems to be part celebrating life and part therapy for me. Hahaha. I’m only human. And so are you. We can’t be perfect but we can keep trying our best to be the people we want to be. I want to judge less, to be goofy more, and to maybe slow down just a tiny fraction. Here’s to all 10 of you readers – I hope your life journey’s are as enriched as mine is, although with less strife (but who am I kidding, it’s life). Thanks for sticking with me for whatever reason – I appreciate you. ❤

2 thoughts on “8-11-22 Still Alive

  1. I love your blog ❤️ and always read it! I bet you have more readers than you think! We may lead different lives and participate in different activities, but I find your zest for life and the things that bring you joy to be inspiring! In my humble opinion, you should definitely keep writing! Sending you a big hug from Washington!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s